More R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Today I want to try to sketch a picture of respect. How does respect look in a home or other relationship?

Respect is all about value. We know that God Himself has ascribed an unsurpassable worth to every human being. How do we know that? Because God, the triune God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, was willing to lay aside the expression of divinity, become one of us, then die a gruesome death on a cross to elevate us into relationship with Himself. In covenant terms, He exchanged His life for ours, or fully and eternally shared His life with us on an equal basis.

So we are valuable in God’s sight, but we don’t always treat each other as valuable. As we enter into various levels of relationship, we have various opportunities to express the value that we hold in our hearts toward one another. Respect is the expression of value in practical terms. I can express value to a stranger by allowing them to pull up to the gas pump ahead of me. I can stop my car and allow someone to cross the street on foot, or pull through the intersection. I can hold a door, or pick up something they dropped. All of these actions say, “I see you, I know you are there, and you deserve my attention at this very moment.” Not doing things like this says something too. It says, “I am only aware of myself, my needs, and the pressing concerns of my day, which are clearly more important than your needs and concerns.”

This is the underlying truth behind actions that communicate either respect, or disrespect – while they may seem insignificant to you, they communicate with the utmost clarity what you really feel toward the other person at that moment. You might as well have put a billboard that says, “You are my greatest treasure”, or “on my radar screen, you are a flea on a dead porcupine’s belly.” Well, you might use different words there.

Respect gives full attention. Respect does not continue to do other things, even though one might be able to, while conversing with the object of respect. Respect might put down the sports page, turn down the music or the game, set aside the financial report, or hang up the phone, just to listen to the object of respect.

Respect makes eye contact. Respect squares the shoulders, and looks into the eyes. Respect does not stand or sit half turned away from the person you are interacting with. Respect doesn’t slouch or roll the eyes. Respect knows how to give a firm handshake.

Respect listens to what another says. Listening is not just hearing. Listening is giving value to an opinion. A listener goes on to consider and weigh what another person has said. A listener often asks questions to make sure that one has understood the words of the object of our respect. Even when you decide you disagree with someone, respect will not respond with a personal attack, or resort to name-calling.

Respect speaks politely. Respect uses words that do not demean the other person. Respect never talks behind the other persons back, or causes public humiliation. Respect does not make jokes with friends at the other person’s expense.

I could go on and on, but this is a blog, not a novel. The point is that we are constantly communicating respect, or disrespect, to one another with words, eyes, and body-language. In our culture of self-centered individualism, respect is a dying art form. It is up to those of us who understand its value, to practice it and train our children in it.