THE POWER OF ACCEPTANCE

I wrote this article for another blog that is connected to a small group that Karen and I are leading right now based on the book, The Love Dare. I thought it was also applicable to a wider audience, so I am sharing it here. If you want to look in on The Love Dare blog, you can find it at - http://lovedaregroup.blogspot.com/

As I sit staring at this screen, I am not at all sure that I will be able to put what I am feeling into words. I remember thinking about this the first time I read today’s dare, # 16, Love Promotes Intimacy. There is something about the love and acceptance that comes from only your spouse, that gives you the security and courage to be all that God has designed you to be. I'm not saying a single person can't get there, because that is absolutely not true, but there is something about that safe place of intimacy, the place where someone sees the good and the bad in you but still loves you and believes in you, that enables you to change for the better.

When I met Karen (as an adult, we had known each other as kids), I was in my early 20's, had been born again, but was not really walking with God. I was wrapped up in hang gliding culture, which was a very self-centered and all consuming lifestyle. I had always wanted a relationship with just one woman. I was never interested in dating a lot of girls, I was just made to be a one woman man. Don't get me wrong, I wanted lots of girls physically, but what I craved on the deepest level, I now know was intimacy with just one. Luckily, I was such a klutz with women, that I was rejected by nearly every girl I ever pursued. I wasn't glad then, but I am now.

All that rejection had really shaped a lot of how I perceived myself. I thought I was ugly, (some of you may agree) unlovable, and destined for eternal singleness. I was good at some things, flying, my job, I had good friends, I wasn't stupid and could pick up about anything I decided to learn, but deep inside I felt like a reject. Then Karen came into my life. Her love and acceptance completely transformed me. It was like the good qualities that were in me became stronger, and I had a new confidence to address the things that needed to change.

With her, I could be completely myself. See, that is what I did with everyone anyway. I have never been any good at faking it, or playing social games - that's why I was such a dating failure, I just couldn't stand the whole game, it made me sick. Hence I was just myself from the first moment, and that drove women off like crazy. But where the others rejected the real me, Karen loved the real me. It wasn't that she embraced or encouraged the negative things in me, but she loved me anyway. She didn't nag me and set out to reshape me into what she thought I should be. She knew that it was God’s role, not hers, to change me, but her love simply made me want to be more of a strong and Godly man. I could fail and she loved me anyway. She actually believed in me, and that was the most empowering (I hate that word) thing I have ever experienced apart from the presence of God himself.

I am saying all of this today for two reasons. One is that the process I am describing is exactly how the revelation of God's unconditional love and acceptance for us works. It creates a place of total acceptance (not to be confused with approval of all our behavior) that enables us and empowers us to embrace the transforming work of the Holy Spirit. His love is a safe place in which to be challenged to grow and change. The kind of acceptance I am talking about, never becomes an excuse to stay in our sin, or accept our own shortcomings. It just provides a crucible of safety in which the dross of our old nature can be slowly but surely purged.

Secondly, I want all you wives to know that your love for your husband can be one of the most powerful tools of transformation in his life. Your love brings an inner courage to stand up and face any enemy (even those in his own heart) to overcome any challenge, to do anything in the world that needs doing, and to lay his life down for you and your family.

The world will tell you this kind of loving acceptance is feeding his ego, it's not that at all. Again, I am at a loss for words to tell you how it feels to be a man who knows the love of a wise and Godly woman. But it changed my life. When I say that I could not possibly be who I am today without Karen, I mean it with all my heart. I still have loads of problems, and will always need to grow toward Godliness like everyone, but I have the advantage of doing it in the safe place of intimacy with my wife.

I think this works both ways, although I have to write it from a husband’s perspective. There is a wisdom for all of us to learn about how to love people, particularly those of our own household, into greater and greater displays of Godliness, and God’s purposes for their lives.